About damn time...for an update!

Okay, I know it's been forever!  I got a request for an update so I thought I'd oblige considering it's been AGES.

This is going to be admittedly condensed and scattered so I apologize in advance.

I moved to lovely Birmingham, England on September 22, 2010.  It's been a crazy wonderful time so far.  I've been stretched to the max with my studies but am still very happy I made this decision.  Next week I have exams and then onto my dissertation, which will be due at the end of September.  It's hard to believe my classes are already finished!  Sometimes this past year seems to have moved at a snail's pace and other times it seems to have passed in the blink of an eye.

Life in England has been far more positive than negative for sure.  I have pretty much felt at home here from the minute my head stopped spinning from the big ginormous move.  Considering I've done the expat thing before I thought I knew what to expect.  It makes me laugh now to think about because this time around has been so different.  I will ALWAYS love Germany and have a huge soft spot for it but one thing is for certain, it never felt like home.  I am grateful for the time I lived there and may even entertain it again one day but every day living there was a challenge.  I always felt the need to stretch and bend and fit, nothing ever came easy.  Maybe it was the different language, maybe the different culture, more than likely it was a combination of things.  England, on the other hand, has been a much different story.  It fits and I fit.  I have moments where I could just scream when the buses in Brum leave me disappointed yet again or when I am facing a challenge and don't have my mom or my best friend to turn to at a moment's notice but I still feel at home even with the set backs.  It's a wonderful feeling.

I think one of the main reasons for all this "at-homeness" is due to my lovely wonderful and understanding boyfriend, Dan.  Things with us are nearly perfect.  We've had a couple hiccups when it comes to the uncertainty of the future but we know so long as we are both flexible and deal with the future as a team, we will get through it.  It's such an amazingly wonderful feeling knowing I have a true partner in life.

So, that's all for now.  I will try and post more once exams are done and all I have to focus on is my dissertation.  Maybe I will feel less frantic then, let's hope!

Girl Meets Boy

Friday night is pizza night.  Always has been.  Always will be.  Since the beginning of time, until the end, Friday night is pizza night.

This one simple fact is to "blame" for my meeting Dan.

I can't remember how I ever got introduced to OKCupid.  A friend, most likely.  I primarily used the account as a generic time suck for when I was bored.  I'd do the silly quizzes and questions and would peruse profiles to see what interesting people are out there in this world.  I never really thought I could or would actually meet someone worthwhile off the site.

In early January of this year, I found myself killing time on OKC.  I clicked on "Global Matches" as my travelphile self always loves seeing what far off places may pop up on the list.  One of the top matches was a gentleman by the name "drupalista" from Manchester, UK (turned out he's actually from a small town about an hour's train ride from Manchester).  I clicked on the profile and close to the bottom of the profile, I saw it…. the plain and simple truth…

Friday night is pizza night.

Well, needless to say, I could not leave this profile without sending a message to this stranger.  So, I did.  A very simple message consisting of only a sentence or two, just to concur that Friday night is, indeed, pizza night.

I can’t say I really expected a reply.  But, to my surprise and pleasure, I got one.  And so began our online friendship.

Initially, neither Dan nor I thought anything romantic would come out of our chatting.  I mean really?!  We live some 3,000 plus miles apart with a whole big ocean in between.  So we were friends.  We got into the habit of chatting every day as, even with a five hour time difference, our schedules lent itself to daily chats.

Over time it became obvious that there was definitely potential for more then just a friendship (minus that whole pesky Atlantic Ocean thing).  Dan and I discovered so many similarities in one another.  While on the surface we may seem different, him being the left-brained engineering type and I being the right-brained creative type, but when it came to the big stuff we were, more often then not, on the exact same page.  What we want out of life.  How we see things.  How we treat others.  We were very in sync.    

And since I wasn’t working a “real” job, my schedule was flexible and the prospect of a trip across the pond seemed too hard to resist.  Not to mention, I had begun the process of applying for graduate school in the UK and thought it best to visit at least a few of the schools.  So in April of this year, I flew to the UK for the first time in my life (somehow, despite having lived in Europe before, I had never made it to the UK). 

I would be lying if I said that Dan and I instantly clicked that first night when I got off the plane at Heathrow.  At that point I was so jetlagged, I don’t think I would have clicked with my own dog, had she been there to greet me.  But in the following days I got to know Dan even more.  I got to see, first hand, all the wonderful things I’d already known about him.  Within that first week, it became apparent that we were more then just friends.  While the distance was on our minds, we both knew we had to give this a shot.  In the end, the entire three-week trip left me even more excited for what the future holds for us. 

And yes, we had pizza on Friday night.

Long distance love...not so bad after all?

If you told me a year ago or five or ten or whatever, that I would be in a transatlantic/long distance relationship, I would have laughed and laughed. In my head I always had such a negative view of long distance relationships. Hell, I was in relationships with men only an hour away and still struggled with the distance! Then I met Dan, my beautifully brilliant British beau, who just so happened to live an ocean away.

Now, after many months of the long distance dating thing, I have actually found there to be many a positive thing about it (minus the whole mini freak out when I hadn't heard from him). In new relationships I am often prone to what I call tunnel vision. I get so enamored with my new flame, I often lose sight of other things in my life. When said flame is an ocean away, tunnel vision is nearly impossible. While I will admit to thinking about my lovely many times a day, I cannot be consumed by it either as I know it would just drive me insane with missing him. I am able to still work on me and my own things while maintaining a relationship. I can continue to spend ample time with my friends and family and not feel I am neglecting my new found love. It's almost the best of both worlds in that regard. I get to live a sort of single life while still having the love and security of a good relationship.

Another massive pro to this long distance dating is the communication it builds. From the word go, Dan and I have had to be on top of communicating with one another. I am not just talking about being in touch with one another on a regular (which we most definitely are) basis. I am talking about being open and honest about our expectations and desires. I mean maintaining a long distance relationship without common goals in mind would be an exercise in futility and would most inevitably self destruct. Dan and I have been up front about what we want from one another and what we want from our relationship. I think a large part of this is that our "dating life" has primarily been all talk. Don't get me wrong active and adventurous dates can be great but it's easier to focus on the action rather then learning about one another. When all you have is talk, you can't help but learn a lot about one another quickly.

That is another pro in and of itself, while Dan and I may live over 3,000 miles from one another, we know each other well. We both make an effort to include each other in our day-to-day lives. It's rare that I don't know what he's doing and vice versa. That doesn't mean we keep tabs on one another but rather, since we can't do things together, we make an effort to share the things we are doing with one another. Through this we have learned a lot about one another. Dan knows (and somehow still loves me anyways) my penchant for worrying (about just about everything). I know his engineering mind is always ticking and turning things over and figuring things out. He knows and appreciates my obsession love for my sweet puppy dog and is prepared for the fall-out when I move an ocean away from her. I know how deeply and strongly he cares for and loves his godchildren. And on and on and on. I do believe, though this has not been nearly my longest relationship, Dan knows me better then anyone. He sees the real me because it is far easier for me to be 100% my neurotic self over the phone, text, IM, email, and Skype. He sees it all and miraculously still loves me just the same!

One of the more bittersweet aspects of this whole long distance thing is the patience I've had to learn. Anyone who knows me can attest to my lack of patience. It's not a virtue I've ever had in abundance but when you have to wait months at a time to see you hunny, you are forced to be patient. There are times when my patience wears thin and poor Dan gets to hear all about it but for the most part I have learned to wait, it's all that can be done for now. I know that soon enough I will get to see my sweetheart again and in the meantime I get the chance to get to know Dan even more, not to mention getting to know myself just a wee bit better as well.

Don't get me wrong, I look so forward to the day that my relationship will no longer be long distance but in the meantime I am learning to appreciate it for all it's pros. This is a time Dan and I will never get back so we might as well milk it for all it's worth and enjoy the balance one gets from the distance, as well as taking the time to build a really solid base.

Attack of the Worry Wart!

So for the most part I have to say I am lucky. While I am in the throws of a transatlantic romance, I get to somehow chat with my British Beau multiple times a day. Oh the joys of technology. Our main means of communication are Twitter and GChat. Since both of us have unlimited domestic texts we are able to tweet one another using Twitter's local numbers without incurring international text charges. Then while at work, both of us are on GChat so we chat this way during working hours. Another plus is that my darling beau owns his own business and tends to keep later hours then normal, so more often then not, his working hours are rather similar to my own.

When not tweeting or gchatting, we also use Skype so we can actually speak with and see one another. I cherish the chances we get to Skype as it is so wonderful seeing his smiling face. (What can I say I am rather partial to his smile!) And on top of that, Dan was sweet enough to get an American phone number in his office so if I ever need/want to just hear his voice and don't have my laptop handy, I can call him for free on my cell phone (I have unlimited domestic calls).

So, simply put, while my love may be 3,534 miles away (but who's counting) he often feels much closer. I probably communicate more with him then I have with any man I've dated previously, even those just 15 miles away. Today, however, seems to be the exception as I've not been able to get a hold of him at all. I'd like to say I am independent enough that it doesn't bother me but I would totally be lying because right now I am rather antsy, constantly checking my phone. I am trying to rack my brain and recall any plans he may have relayed to me that would explain his lack of communication today but can't come up with anything. I know it's silly and my anxiety is totally unwarranted but when you love someone that is so far away, it can sometimes play mind games with you. While his drive to the office is so short it's practically a joke, I wonder if there was an accident on his way in? Or perhaps his father who is in ill health has taken a turn for the worst in 24 hours? Or what else? I can't even fathom.

It's a darn good thing that my lovely man is totally aware of my tendency to worry and loves me just the same. So, when he reads this post he will likely just laugh and realize its par for the course when dating me. I am prone to worry when there is no apparent reason to worry. It's not the most attractive quality, I know, and I do try and temper it but my state of mind in general today is not lending itself well to the unexpected so I guess I will just have to wait and wonder and worry...

Smitten and Waiting

So it's official...I am totally smitten with my Brit. I was semi-smitten before my trip but being with Dan for almost 3 weeks straight (thanks to the Icelandic Volcano my 2 week trip was extended a bit) cemented my feelings for him and made me completely head over heels smitten for my Brit! I am also downright smitten with Britain!

I have decided the UK is Europe-Lite. It is definitely wonderfully European but culturally it's a much smoother adjustment for this American. Don't get me wrong, I will forever and always have a soft spot for my Deutschland but both times I lived there it was far more difficult for me to get settled and feel at home, this was far from the case in merry old England. I felt immediately at home. It could very well be because of my lovely British Beau and his wonderful warmth and hospitality but I feel with or without him my adjusting to life in Britain will be a lot smoother then it ever was for me in Germany.

As far as my move to the UK goes, I am more positive then ever that my decision to go to grad school there is the right one. While there, I visited a couple universities and fell in love with Birmingham. I was a bit leery at first as everyone I know who's ever been to Birmingham spoke rather unkindly of the city. I visited the campus first and it was just as a university campus should be with lovely old brick buildings spread amongst open green space.

And, I am in love with the POLSIS department. I met with the director of the program I am interested in and he was just as approachable, welcoming, and informative in person, as he has been via e-mail. I also had an opportunity to speak with a current student in the program as well. Speaking with both helped sell me even more on the program.

After the campus visit I visited the "Bull Ring" area of Birmingham. I realize this is far from all there is to see of the city but it wasn't bad at all. Loads of shopping and people bustling about everywhere. So, from what little I saw, I think I will do just fine in Birmingham.

Now, I just have to wait and see how all of the loan stuff pans out. Since the US federal student loan system is being completely revamped due to the new health care reform bill (so logical no?), I have to wait longer then expected. This is making my quite anxious as I cannot apply for my visa until I get my loans. So now I just wait...and pray...and hope...I can get enough in scholarships and federal loans to cover everything for the next year. If not, it will be back to square one and potentially postponing my studies for a year. :( This wouldn't be ideal but someway somehow, I will make it to the UK for grad school, if not this year, then next.
Despite the uncertainty, it feels so good to finally have a goal and direction. I've been floundering a bit but recently I have been more focused then ever as I think I've finally found which direction my little compass has been directing me to all along...

Eastward and Onward!

So after much deliberation and thought, it seems that I've made some progress in figuring out just where I'd like my life to go. And, apparently that direction is to the east!

Two weeks from tomorrow I will be flying to the UK and I just can't wait! Despite the fact that I've lived in Germany twice, I, somehow, never made it to the UK so this will be my first visit. I am excited for a multitude of reasons, besides this being my first trip to the land from which my bloodline hails.

First off, there's Dan. It seems a bit insane to say I am falling for someone I haven't yet met face to face but it's the truth, crazy or not. In the past few months Dan's become my best friend. The first person I want to tell when anything remotely interesting happens in my little world. The good. The bad. And everything in between. Finally meeting him in person is something for which I’ve been rather impatiently waiting! It seems a bit surreal to think it will be very soon now.

Also, after some soul searching and web searching, I have begun the process of applying for graduate studies in the UK. No, this is not because of Dan. He's just the icing on the cake. I've known for a while I wanted to go back to school but never felt I was in the place to do so but with losing my job and having absolutely no success procuring another, it seems like the universe might be pointing me in that direction.

Why the UK? Well, I want to study European/International Studies and what better place to study such a thing then in Europe? My German has lost much of it's luster over the years due to lack of use so I knew pursuing my graduate studies in the land of beer and pretzels was likely not in the cards. So, an English speaking country it would have to be.

After doing gobs of research I was drawn to the UK's system, as well as the fact that US Stafford Loans work there. (AM will be needing lots of loans to swing this!) So, I found a number of schools with programs that appeal to me and what I want to study. A few weeks ago I sent out all the applications. So far I have already been accepted to two of the eight schools to which I applied and am super stoked. So my trip to the UK will no longer be just for sightseeing and Dan-seeing, it will also now be for university-seeing. I can't wait!

So, it seems that my little compass may be working after all!